I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
