So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
