Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
