...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
