We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
