what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I can text with my tongue
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
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We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
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My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize