Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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