They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
