I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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