I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
