We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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