Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
