Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
