Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
