This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Of course I have a pirate flag
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
