remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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