Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
