I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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