My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
