the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
