At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Is it because I queefed?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Randomize
