if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
