can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
If I die, sorry about rent.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
