y did u give ur computer a hand job?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
babies were throwing up all over the place
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
