She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
