Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
