My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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