I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
