I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
