I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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