I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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