so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
