I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
