I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
