Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
