Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
