can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
