So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
