Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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