How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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