Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
