So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
