she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
