Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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