Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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