I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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