my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
