I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
