dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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