You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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