i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
