have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
