i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
