5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
