CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
