Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ttyl tear gas
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize