so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
