My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
She said her name was "party"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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