u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Randomize
