Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
