i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
