i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
