halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Randomize
