Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You're a waste of cheezeits
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
