brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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