FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
