So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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