I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Randomize
