Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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