Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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