It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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