She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
