I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
