I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
