I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
