Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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